I can most definitely feel it happening now. Those little pinwheels have started spinning and the wind is moving things again. I can feel myself changing and my motives becoming more solid. I know that this could end badly, but I'm not afraid anymore. All I'll ever need is with me already. Everything else will be the icing on the cake. I'm ready for this change. I'm prepared. In fact I'm largely the reason it's starting. I'm ready to loose this weight. I'm ready to grow creatively and become a better artist (not in the painting sort of way but that would be fun too). I'm ready to see the world change around me. I'm ready to love and to cry and to sing. My mind is spinning and all I want to do is make myself a better person. I want to challenge the limits of what "normal" is and what is accepted.
Last night I dreamt about the past and remembered what it felt like not to care what others thought. I remembered how I was so driven. How, no matter what, I'd achieve my goal. I'd make it past that finish line. I was invincible. I was amazing and I knew what it was like to not care. I want to be that girl again. With big dreams and wishes and hopes. The girl with so much potential. The girl who KNEW where she was going and never doubted it. I know what I want now. And these changes will only help me.
I'm not afraid anymore and I love this feeling. I can't wait for the New Year. I can't wait to smile and tell my parents my resolutions. I want them to be proud of me and to understand. I know they don't understand it quite yet. I don't know how to explain it to them. I want to crush the stigmas. Break down those barriers. Climb those walls. I will show everyone that you don't have to be a cookie cutter child to make it in life. You can look as conservative or as crazy as you like, as long as you know where you are going in life. That's all anyone needs. A little direction and a comforting hand from friends or family and it will all be made better. All I know is that from now on I will listen to my heart and my head...a balancing act that could take forever to perfect. Either way I will show them. They will understand that it isn't what you wear or the color of your skin or your social standing. You can do whatever you put your mind to.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that don't let what people say put you down. It may hurt at first. It may make you feel so horrible you'd do anything to hurt that person back. But remember that people will receive what they give and in the end they will be much worse off then they ever imagined. I've finally realized this for myself. You should let this realization happen to you as well.
LIVE LIFE BY THE SECOND
Last night I dreamt about the past and remembered what it felt like not to care what others thought. I remembered how I was so driven. How, no matter what, I'd achieve my goal. I'd make it past that finish line. I was invincible. I was amazing and I knew what it was like to not care. I want to be that girl again. With big dreams and wishes and hopes. The girl with so much potential. The girl who KNEW where she was going and never doubted it. I know what I want now. And these changes will only help me.
I'm not afraid anymore and I love this feeling. I can't wait for the New Year. I can't wait to smile and tell my parents my resolutions. I want them to be proud of me and to understand. I know they don't understand it quite yet. I don't know how to explain it to them. I want to crush the stigmas. Break down those barriers. Climb those walls. I will show everyone that you don't have to be a cookie cutter child to make it in life. You can look as conservative or as crazy as you like, as long as you know where you are going in life. That's all anyone needs. A little direction and a comforting hand from friends or family and it will all be made better. All I know is that from now on I will listen to my heart and my head...a balancing act that could take forever to perfect. Either way I will show them. They will understand that it isn't what you wear or the color of your skin or your social standing. You can do whatever you put your mind to.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that don't let what people say put you down. It may hurt at first. It may make you feel so horrible you'd do anything to hurt that person back. But remember that people will receive what they give and in the end they will be much worse off then they ever imagined. I've finally realized this for myself. You should let this realization happen to you as well.
LIVE LIFE BY THE SECOND
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